Nov 30 2008
Big Turkey, pt. 2
[Note: continued from yesterday’s post]
Second, I don’t know how to cook a turkey. It is significantly different than cooking ground turkey. Notice, for one, that one has an article and the other is preceded by an adjective. Primarily, though, because it still looks alive. You could, if you tried, imagine a head and a fleshy neck protruding from one end or another of the poor creature. And then there’s that ominous verb-cum-noun-cum- padding-cum-side dish, stuffing. You’re supposed to cram that in the opening of the bird that isn’t the head. No mother of no species would wish that upon even the most annoying neighbor kids. Well, except maybe humans.
Normally, that wouldn’t be a problem for us men. The only stuffing we tend to worry about on this feast is the one that begins in our mouth and comes out from an opening that isn’t in our head. All we need to worry about is coming home from tossing the ol’ pigskin (not the ham. Or even the bacon) in the anticipation of the pure joy that will arise in our pie holes and in our wives as we savor, taste, and swallow the fruits of our sweat and our wives’ labors. Or something like that.
